508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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