i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
