So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i think i just lost a toe
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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