Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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