Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
