he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
