I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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