just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
