Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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