As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
