the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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