We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
