I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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