all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
