Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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