Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
