I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I CAN MOONWALK!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
