hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
