shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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