The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
