woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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