Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
