i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
