I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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