It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
