Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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