yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
