wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
