I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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