I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
