Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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