he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
