Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
