Already got asked if we're dating
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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