what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
