She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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