My balls are so social today.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
