somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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