help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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