12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize