My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
