My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
