Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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