She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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