): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
