You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
