Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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