i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
