I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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