Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
