i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
