don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
