youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
