you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
