Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
