what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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