none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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