I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
