He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
