I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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