Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
