We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
