They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
