The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
