you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
