You work out of a Hotel?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
