chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
