Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
