You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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