Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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