One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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