Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
