worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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