Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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