she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
