If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
