my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
